Being human, we all have needs. Those needs are food, water, sleep, and a roof over our heads. These needs help all of us, children and adults, function to our fullest capacity. However, children have other needs that need to be recognized and approached by parents. What are these other needs?
The first is contact and belonging. We all want to feel like we belong at any age but children especially in certain times of growing up need to know they belong, are loved because they yearn the contact of their parents in the form of a hug or time spent with them. Children think the way they can belong is by seeking for attention but this is a mistake and can be dangerous. Parents should offer contact and time freely and constantly while teaching children to contribute to everyday activities.
The second need is power. No one wants to feel week or inferior and this just may be how some children feel when they face a bully at school or are mistreated by loved ones. Children often will rebel because, in order to have power, they feel they have the need to control others. Parents should teach children responsibility by giving them chores and consequences. It is important to remember that consequences should not be in the form of rewards and punishments. This only leads the child to feel bitter, entitled, and takes away from the child making decisions on his/her own. Allow the child to learn from natural consequences as long as it is not dangerous or harmful to others.
The third need is protection. No one wants to feel like they are not safe. A child may mistakenly approach their need for protection through revenge but that is not right. Parents should teach children assertiveness and forgiveness. How do parents teach assertiveness and forgiveness? By action. Children will learn through example and when they are provided opportunities to grow.
The fourth need is to withdraw. This is the good kind of withdraw because it just means having a need to take a break from something. We all need to take a break when we are doing a task that is hard or long. Children approach it wrong because when they take a break they do not return to the task. Now, I am sure it is not only children who do that. I don’t always return to the task. Sometimes I find it hard to concentrate when I have to write an essay for class so I decide to take a break and watch an episode but somehow an episode usually returns into five and before I know it I have forgotten the essay. It is important and critical to teach the importance of finishing a task started from an early age so that the habit of procrastination is not built.
The last need I will mention is challenge. As adults and parents, it is easy to be overprotective of children. Children need to face challenges and as adults and parents to teach and encourage them to learn skills and master them. If children do not have these then when they do face a challenge they will quit or take the easy way out.
I myself am not a parent but from my own experience growing up, I believe some of the most important things parents can do for their children is to be patient with them, allow them to make mistakes and to make their own decisions. When children are not given the opportunity to make choices, they feel like they cannot be trusted and this could lead to distance from the parents. As adults and parents, we need to remember that we too were their age once and did similar if not the same things. Be patient, love your children and help them live to their fullest potential.
Family Relations 