Divorce

Growing up, marriage terrified me. Losing loved ones created a fear in my heart. I thought marriage wouldn’t be for me because what if the man I married decided he didn’t want to be with me anymore? What if something were to happen that resulted in divorce to be the answer? I thought being single would be better than getting married and potentially having my heart broken down the road if that ever were to happen. Obviously, the statistic of knowing 50% of marriages ending in divorce did not help but made it worst so I built up walls and prepared for a life of singleness.

For all who believe the divorce rate is 50%  in the United States, you are not alone. However, that number is not accurate. The divorce rate is closer to 30%. While that is a better percentage, if you are a person who places your focus on these numbers, remember that number does not define you or the relationship you are in. If two individuals fall so madly in love with each other and take the step to commit forever, why resort to divorce years down the road? What is divorce and what causes divorce?

I always thought divorce was a separation where the couple is no longer under a legal obligation to be together. Did you know there is more to divorce than just that? There are six types of divorce’s: 

1.    Emotional Divorce: disconnection of emotions

2.    Legal Divorce: legalize divorce

3.    Economic Divorce: dividing of materials

4.    Co-Parental Divorce: splitting of the children

5.    Community Divorce: splitting up of friends, picking who to stay friends with

6.    Psychic Divorce: excepting divorce mentally

Several years ago, there were four reasons a couple could divorce in court and they are known as the four A’s; Abuse, Adultery, Addiction, and Abandonment. If a couple had evidence of one or more of the four A’s, the divorce was granted. That has changed. Today, divorce is as easy as getting married and couples can divorce for any reason they choose. While the reasons for divorce have broadened, it can be expensive. Divorce on average can cost as much as $125,000. Wowzah! With the expense and time of getting a divorce, research shows that 70% of couples who divorced regretted it about two years after the divorce was finalized.

I believe that if there is abuse in your relationship, seek help. It is unacceptable to be abused physically, emotionally, and verbally. With that being said, when stress puts a strain in your life, draw closer to your spouse rather than apart. In the time I have been married, I have come to the realization that marriage is not hard but life. The stresses of life such as not having enough money, loss of a job, school and other debts, loss of a family member or friend, and more can make us sad, angry, and rather than talking about it with our spouse, we become short and impatient with them. When something negative happens, why is it that we tend to jump to ask ourselves, “Did I marry the wrong person? Did I get married too early?” and other similar questions? Doing these things is natural. When times get hard, giving up is natural.

Over time, I decided to not allow my fears choose what I would do with my life. When I met my husband, I knew I could trust him and with time, the walls I built crumbled to the point where I was open to marriage and welcomed it with joy. Instead of doing what is natural, I did the supernatural and got married despite my fears. Let us do the supernatural. Do not quit when things get hard. Work out the troubles and strengthen your love with your spouse. The time you put into thinking about divorce, wondering if you are falling out of love, and other negative thoughts, replace them with positive thoughts. Studies prove that couples who decide to work on their marriage report they are happier and satisfied with their marriage. No one is perfect. We all have shortcomings and should not judge our spouse wrongfully. Marriage, like other things, takes time and work.  Create a strong bond, let your love grow, and save your marriage and family.