The definition of the family has changed so much throughout the years. Webster dictionary states the family is the basic unit in society, traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children. The Urban dictionary states the family is a bondage that cannot be broken by any means. Having so many definitions of the family unit, there is a confusion of what a family structure is supposed to look like. Culture and society have expectations of what a family should be but these practices do not always work in the family.

A family unit stays intact through the family system theory. Family system theory is much less of a theory and more of a model of how a family operates. Family systems theory examines the family system as a whole and the whole is a larger sum of its parts. In Family systems theory, all family members influence each other with the different roles they are given. These roles are different but equally important as they provide diversity in the home. Like many other families, individuals in my own family were given roles based on personality, action, and place in the family. My father is the head of the household, my mother is a homemaker, a couple of my brothers are the clown of the family, one of my sisters is the black sheep as she does things differently, and the older siblings have a responsibility to take care of the younger siblings and set a good example. My role in the family was the peacemaker because I would help resolve a conflict between siblings and did not engage in fights with my siblings. While I have been out of my family’s home for a few years now, my family continues to see me as a peace-maker. Like myself, when individuals leave the home, they might receive pressure to keep their role upon returning back home or pushed back into the role when siblings pick up the role when you leave and slack off when you return.

Along with roles, families have rules. Where do these rules come from? Tradition. Tradition is inherited pattern of behavior or belief. There are rules we know of and there are unspoken rules that we do not recognize as a rule but obey them. Examples of unspoken rules I had in own family growing up was there was a seating assignment at the dinner table without verbal knowledge, when watching tv my father was in charge of the remotes, my father received food before us children and if we had small servings of leftovers left it was my father who ate it, and last but not least instead of talking to the individual about their faults or something concerning, the family spoke about the individual with one another rather than to the person directly. Understanding that all families have rules help us understand that the family is a system.

Unconsciously, when we leave home we take some of the unspoken or spoken rules we grew up with, with us. My husband and I come from different families, culture and backgrounds. Sometimes this has led us to have a degree of conflict within our relationship. However, this does not mean we are arguing and fighting. The conflict we have is simply having a difference of opinions and thoughts. We give each other positive feedback, communicate, do not judge, and commit 100% to the relationship regardless if it is monetary, housework, labor or love. No relationship will grow and progress if individuals focus on the costs and rewards. Knowing that every individual comes from a different upbringing, culture, tradition, and family, let us strive to stop judging others and their actions and strive to work in harmony and unity with our loved ones.

In 1946, annual births exceeded 2% of the total population. During 1946 – 1964, the population grew rapidly resulting in 450 million being born worldwide with 77.3 million born only within the United States. This time is known as the baby boom. Benjamin Franklin proclaimed in 1751, that the population would double in size every 20 years. We know this is true as the population in 1969 was 3.7 billion and today in 2019 the population is 7.3 billion. With the baby boom, there was an increase in homes being built, more job opportunities, and an increase in resources. However, in 1968, Paul Ehrlich published a book titled The Population Bomb making people believe that population growth was not a good idea but would impact them negatively. Ehrlich predicted in his book that overpopulation would result in mass starvation, increase in pollution, and there would be a decline of resources such as fossil fuel. Nevertheless, today Ehrlich’s predictions have been proven incorrect as overeating has become more of a problem than starvation, there is a decrease of pollution, and we are having greater access to our resources like fossil fuels. Ehrlich believed with overpopulation, couples who decide to have a big family are robbers of society as they are not giving other couples and their descendant’s resources. Because of the book, people focused on the population growth and overlooked the fact that the fertility rate was declining. Why is fertility rate declining?

The fertility rate is the average number of children born over the lifetime of the average woman. Today, over 90 territories and countries have sub-replacement fertility rates. There are a few factors as to why fertility rate is dropping such as having greater access to contraception and abortion, an increase of woman with careers and in education, and people delaying marriage and having children.  Now with the baby boomers growing older and retiring, the ratio of retirees to workers is 1 to 13. With this imbalance, fewer homes, jobs, and resources will be provided.  

Today we see through social media, the news, movies and TV shows of what would happen to the world with overpopulation. I don’t know about you but I believe what I hear and see. I remember when I was 12 years old, my parents decided they wanted to adopt more children and increase our family size. I was opposed to the idea of having more children as my parents already had six at the time. However much I complained and shared my concern of how more children would result in the six of us not having our needs taken care of, my parents made their decision to adopt more children and today there are 12 of us, including myself. While I was opposed to the idea at the beginning, I came to love all of my siblings. Having many siblings helped me gain valuable skills such as patience and charity. I learned from my brothers how to be strong and from my sisters how to be aware of others emotions. Sharing a room with my siblings also prepared me for college and now my marriage. The family truly is the fundamental unit of society. It does not matter if one has 2 or 12 children, if the family is blended, broken, or divorced. What is important is that we cherish, protect and strengthen our family because family is the closest people to us and surrounding our lives with people who matter will fulfill our lives.

Thanks for joining me! My name is Bethlehem. I am originally from Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. I came to the United States when I was adopted at the age of 10. I have 5 sisters and 6 brothers who also were adopted from different countries. I am studying Marriage and Family studies with the intent to become a marriage and family counselor or work in the foster care system. I am currently enrolled in Family Relations and will be blogging about the topics we discuss in class along with my experiences and thoughts. I hope y’all will learn some things from what I share and hope to learn from your feedback as well.